Eva's Healing
Story.
My first son was born vaginally,
with no drugs. The delivery was difficult (paving the way,
so to speak) with over 24 hours of contractions and laboring
long at the hospital--not the easiest place to relax. I was
determined to have a natural delivery and my husband, my
mother, and a great nurse helped me through it.
My 2nd delivery was fast since we
had decided to labor at home as much as possible. After my
water broke, we rushed to the hospital. With no camera or
video and our car still in the drop-off lane, our second son
was born 1 hour after we arrived with the help of a hospital
Dr. Although his shoulder did get stuck on the way out, and
the Dr. thought she had dislocated his shoulder, no injury
was found and he thrived.
My 3rd delivery was 2 months ago.
From day one my Dr. was pushing me to elect to have a
c-section. With the shoulder dystocia on my 2nd delivery,
the odds for another shoulder dystocia increased. I
researched on the internet and found that although the odds
went up, other factors could be analyzed. Gestational
diabetes increases the odds for shoulder dystocia and I
didn't have that. A large weight gain during pregnancy
increased the odds, yet I had gained the least amount of
weight with this pregnancy. I found alternate positions for
dislodging a stuck shoulder and suggested them to my
Dr.
My Dr. continued to state his
opinion and I mine. He believed the risk to the baby was
too great to even try a vaginal delivery. I had had two
babies vaginally, with no drugs....how could I possibly be
expected to ELECT to be cut open? At one visit I asked my
Dr. if he was uncomfortable with my decision not to have a
c-section, and if he thought I should find another Dr. He
assured me that he was there to offer his opinion, but that
this was my birth and my experience and the decision was
mine.
My Dr. was on vacation when I went
into labor. As soon as his backup Dr. heard of my prior
shoulder dystocia, he lectured me about why I should choose
to have a c-section. In between contractions at 1:00 in the
morning, I stated my case calmly and clearly. I had been
through 2 deliveries before and knew how to ask for what I
wanted and not be bullied. You realize you're putting your
baby at risk he said and told me the odds. I told him that
that was why I was at this hospital, the best in the area,
with a Dr.--at least I wasn't attempting a home birth with a
midwife (something I've always wanted, but didn't want to
take the risk that something might go wrong). I realize
your position and understand your opinion, I said, but I
feel differently. I mentioned the alternate positions and
he said he would never let me try that with a prior
dystocia. I suggested I get a different Dr. from the
hospital since he was obviously uncomfortable with my
decision and since I was uncomfortable with him. He told me
no Dr. in the hospital would take me. Ultimately, he said
the decision was mine and stood over me saying he needed an
answer. I told him I did not want to elect to have a
C-section.
When it was time to push, he took
me to an uncomfortable room prepped for surgery, "just in
case." He let me push maybe 6 times with no encouragement
or counting from him or the nurses. He said the heart rate
wasn't recovering well enough on the last few contractions,
although my husband saw that it was, and said he had to do a
c-section. I turned to my husband and said, "They didn't
even give me a chance," right before they gassed me and cut
my 3rd son out of me with a vertical incision below my belly
button. The Dr. who only visited me when I was still all
doped up said the incision was necessary because of the
concern for my baby. My baby was born with an apgar of 8.
I know women who've had emergency c-sections, and know women
who know women who've had emergency c-sections and not one
had a vertical incision.
It has been 2 months and my Dr.
keeps telling me it will stop hurting soon and that I will
have no problems for the rest of my life and that people
throw the term "emergency" around too loosely when
describing their c-sections. It still hurts when I laugh or
cough or sneeze or turn the wrong way and I am still scared
my older sons will run into my stomach or hurt me while
hugging me or sitting on my lap. I am still trying to let
it go--to stop thinking about it, but am reminded every time
it hurts or every time I take a shower and look at the seam
down my belly.
I am comforted by reading the other
stories on your website. I am comforted knowing that I am
not the only one who has difficulty just letting it go. I
am comforted that another woman has described the experience
as a "rape" because I could find no better word myself to
describe what happened to me. I am comforted that another
woman missed the experience of holding her baby immediately
after birth, because I missed it terribly with each one of
mine. I am comforted that I am not alone and that someone,
somewhere understands how I feel. I am comforted that I
have just taken the first step on the road to letting it go
by sharing my own story.
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