I just love this web page and
wanted to contribute my story as well. I don't talk much
about my story because people have told me numerous times
that nobody wants to hear bad stories, especially ones about
deliveries. So I usually keep my mouth closed. So I feel
good to find people who actually care and share the good
with the bad. I, like so many others was very ill prepared.
I didnt even read or learn anything about c-sections because
I was sure I was never to have one. My pregnancy went
smoothly and went long. I was 42 1/2 weeks when I was
finally induced, I was so big and so tight that my stomach
actually was tearing in small places causing drops of blood
on my clothes. I labored for 32 hours until my doctor
requested prep for surgery. I had only dialated to 1. I feel
like maybe if they had broken my water or given me pain
relief, but one will never know.
I was given an epidural, I was
pricked with a pin on my tummy and could not feel anything,
although I could feel the follet catheter inserted. It was
very painful, but they commented I must be feeling something
else, since I did have an epidural now. But I could feel
that follet all the way to surgery. When I got to the
operating room, to say the least, I was scared, but nothing
was to prepare me for what was to happen. They began to cut,
and everything seemed fine until...I could feel them
cutting! The searing heat and pain and I began to scream
out, and I mean really scream out! All of a sudden there was
a flurry of commotion in the room, I was on the brink of
passing out when they ushered my husband out of the room and
then I heard my baby cry and then it all went black.
Apparently they gave me gas, because I didnt gain
consciousness for another 24 hours.
Aside from all the infections and
the physical pain of healing from surgery, the greatest pain
was the emotion side. I was the last in my family to hold my
daughter, in fact I was the last to even know that she was a
girl. I missed out on the first momments and the first day
of life for her. I felt that I had never given "birth" to
her and I fell into an awful depression for about 3 weeks.
What was wrong with me? I had a healthy baby and I had
survived! So why was I crying?
In America, I feel like c-sections
are not much talked about. You dont see them in movies and
you dont read about them in parenting magazines. I felt
almost branded as different from all the other women friends
I had who had had "normal" deliveries. It wasnt until many
months later that I learned that c-sections are actually
becoming the norm for millions of women, but you just dont
hear about it unless you research it, its not something we
as a people talk about. And I have learned that its not
something people much want to hear about. I have felt
isolated for along time.
Now about my second birth of my
son..it was much different. We were told that he had Down
Syndrome at 20 weeks gestation, and then we had two more
ultra sounds that verified it later in the pregnancy. This
obviously was a whole other issue that we had to deal with.
My doctor and I were set on a trial of labor for VBAC, but
this time were werent going to go as long. So at 37 weeks I
went in for a final ultra-sound to see the position of my
son. On the table, at that very moment my uterus ruptured.
Thankfully I was already at the hospital. I was rushed into
surgery and had an emergency c-section.
This time I was given a Spinal. I
was paralyzed from the neck down, but yet felt NOTHING. I
heard my baby cry, and found out that he was PERFECTLY
healthy. No Down Syndrome! I saw him and I even got to hold
him in recovery just an hour after he was born! It was
awesome. I had no depression and no infections!! The same
outcome on both stories, healthy babies.
I feel so guilty so often when I
look back and wish for vaginal deliveries. Here I have two
wonderful children, so what is my problem! So many women in
this world have vaginal and so many babies die or are
deformed or have problems. I am so fortunate to live in a
country where there is the medical technology to do these
surgeries and have both parent and child live. But there is
something there that I just cannot put my finger on,
something not right about the c-section way, the common
feeling that women have of not actually giving birth, but
rather something taken from them. There also is a silent
stigmatism, that I also cant seem to figure out.
Nevertheless, my story is told, and like so many
others...its bitter sweet.