Welcome
James.
Robert was born on May 3rd, 1986, by forceps delivery.
He was in the posterior position, and although I hadn't been
in labour long (about seven hours) I had had pethidine and
was pretty much too whacked off my face to manage my own
delivery. Bonding took some time, as did the healing of my
perineum, which, after a day and a half felt like it had
been hit with a cricket bat.
Jesse was born on October 24th, 1988 by emergency
caesarean section under a general anaesthetic. He was in the
breech position, which was undiagnosed until the labour ward
staff saw feet coming out, instead of a head. I maintain
that I could have sat up and delivered him myself but I
wasn't given that choice. It's my strong belief that the
doctor on duty simply didn't know how to deliver a breech
baby, and didn't know how to stand back and just watch a
mother give birth.
Eleven years later, I was pregnant again. This would be
my last baby, and my last chance to birth naturally,
something which has always been very important to me. After
being told that I wouldn't be able to birth in the birthing
centre at KEMH because of my 'history', I decided to find my
own midwife and do it at home. I had a wonderful, though
quite emotionally draining pregnancy. I meditated daily on
the labour and birthing process. I meditated, also, on my
first two birthings, and rewrote the endings that I had
wanted in my own subconscious. Something I had always
regretted was that I hadn't felt my babies emerging from my
body, so I spent quite a lot of time visualising that. After
buckets of tears, I felt that my healing from this was well
underway.
A big part of my preparation was getting myself
organised spiritually. Getting a grip on the spiritual
aspects of the life - death - life cycle was important in
enabling me to let go of my own 'control' over the process
to just stand back and let it happen. I reminded myself
daily that my job was to watch my body give birth; nothing
more, nothing less. My midwife, Lesley, was fabulous with
this, reminding me often to 'trust the process'. Having
decided to birth at home with my caesarean hanging over me,
I was bombarded with all kinds of criticisms and concerns,
based on other people's fears. Knowing that I could rise
above all that and simply trust that whatever happened would
be right, as long as I kept a strong and steady faith in
Birth, helped me through. At our first meeting Lesley had
looked me straight in the eye and told me that I would be
birthing at exactly the right time, in exactly the right
place. I held onto this.
I got some great tips for the actual birth off the
internet and in discussion with others. Jackie told me to
make up my bed twice, with a plastic sheet between two sets
of linen, so that after the birth, I'd just have to peel off
the newly 'decorated' linen and would already have a freshly
made bed ready to jump back into. She also reminded me to
have a bag packed in case of hospital transfer. This was a
bit of an ordeal for me, and I had real trouble getting it
organised until Lesley told me that often women who need to
transfer aren't ready to go, and those who are often don't
need to transfer. That was enough for me. If a bag of
pyjamas and peppermint lifesavers was going to appease the
patriarchal spirits, then I'd play their game! ;o)
The day arrived. I woke up at about 8 a.m., thinking I'd
wet the bed, and leapt up to the loo. Eventually, I realised
it was fluid (not too sharp first thing in the morning,) and
rang Lesley to let her know something might be happening
later in the day. At about 9 a.m. I had my first
contraction, which wasn't much, and then nothing for a
while. At 10ish Neil and l went for a walk to stock up on
munchies, and I had quite a stron8 contraction on the way
home. There was not rhythm to them at all, they just came
and went at all kinds of intervals. At this stage I didn't
think I was really on my way.
When we got home, we tipped out a jigsaw to keep us
occupied, but I was unsettled, and wandered about, restless.
I could feel myself disappearing into my body and by about 1
p.m. I was feeling a bit miserable with it and tried to have
a sleep.
At about 2, I called for Neil to phone Lesley again, and
she arrived around 3, to find me sitting up on my bed with
my hot water bottle on my tummy, feeling very sorry for
myself. She timed a few contractions, and them told me that
if I was wanting to have a baby today I'd best get up out of
bed and do it! This was exactly what I needed, and as soon
as I stood up and got moving the contractions started coming
strong and often. By 4 o'clock I was well and truly in
labour. I paced up and down the length of the house,
stretching up during contractions, which felt good. After a
while I got in the shower to try some hot water for pain
relief. I don't remember how effective it was, I was well
and truly stoned with it all by this stage, and if nothing
else, the shower was private and quiet. I found I really
wanted to be alone to just get on with it.
Eventually, it was time to get back on the bed, as this
was where I'd decided I wanted to give birth. By now I was
bellowing loudly with each contraction, which felt really
good, and helped me to focus on the pain.
Once on the bed, I continued my stretching up with each
contraction, and flopped over in between, really enjoying
each small break from pain. Neil and Lesley were dropping
Rescue Remedy onto my tongue and wiping my face with a cool
damp cloth (heaven!). I was getting there, but was just
overwhelmed with the strength of it all, and tired, so I
decided I needed a rest. As soon as I lay down the
contractions eased off. I got a good ten minutes break
before I realised I needed to push. In the meantime, Lesley
had had a look and told me I was fully dilated, but had just
a tiny lip. She suggested I breathe through a few
contractions until it was gone. This done, I was free to
push and I sat back up on my haunches and got stuck into
it.
I couldn't believe how hard it was! I felt like I was
making good progress, though, that my efforts were being
rewarded. I could feel and see my baby moving down through
my birth canal, and soon I felt his head crowning. What an
amazing thing to feel! It was soft and hairy and squishy. I
guided his head out, by massaging my perineum over and
around it, and after about half an hour of pushing, James
was born into his Daddy's hands. It was about 6:45 p.m.,
less than three hours after real labour had started! I
couldn't believe it, but at the same time, it just seemed so
normal and ordinary. Amazing, that the truly real can seem
so utterly unreal!
I put James to the breast immediately, and remember
thinking, "what a lot of nipple for such a tiny babe". My
contractions started up again and the placenta was delivered
without any drama, the cord cut and James was wrapped and
weighed. He was 8 lbs., my biggest baby yet. We didn't
measure his length because we didn't want to stretch him
out. Neil and I just sat and stared, while Lesley tidied up
for us, and then left.
Giving birth at home simply doesn't compare to a
hospital birth. It was a smooth operation from beginning to
end. No need to get in the car, just when everything's
really getting going, to get to the hospital. No bossy staff
to deal with, no doctor to please. No disruption to the
household, no separation of family members. (One of my cats
actually sat under the bed through the entire thing!) I woke
up that morning in my own bed, and got back into it that
night with my baby lying next to me instead of inside me. If
I was going to have more babies (and it's so tempting after
such a great experience!) I'd definitely opt for homebirth
again.
If you're considering homebirth for yourself, I will
just say this: Be where you feel most safe, but know that
your body knows what to do. Birthing is written into your
very cells, and has been since the beginning of time. Trust
it.
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