The Arrival of Little
Claire.
By Katrina Matthews.
Contractions started about 11pm on
Monday night, very mild but regular. They were waking me
every 10-15 minutes that night until about 7am when they
slowed down a bit. I kept telling myself not to get excited
and I refused to get out of bed, I figured that I would need
all the rest I could get, especially if it really was the
beginning of labour. In the morning Tim and I decided that
he should go to work and that I would try and go about my
day, firstly seeing Joy for a prenatal visit in the morning.
I was still getting contractions, but they were irregular
and varying in intensity.
As usual I was reassured by my
visit with Joy, we made another appointment for the
following week but Joy was doubtful that I would make it to
that appointment. I was still very reluctant to believe that
this might be early labour, I didn't want to be disappointed
if the contractions stopped!
The contractions continued through
the day, on and off. I decided to go to a "pregnancy
session" with Rhea, a childbirth educator at 5.30 as I did
most Tuesdays. For the first time I was the only pregnant
woman there so Rhea and I talked and we went through some
last minute psych issues surrounding birth. The contractions
seemed to be getting closer and stronger throughout the
session. When Rhea asked me if I'd be ok to drive home I
started to think "maybe this could be it". I did get home
alright and when Tim's friend Marcus arrived we decided to
get Vietnamese take-away for dinner. By the time they had
ordered, collected the food and dished it up I was having to
concentrate to breathe through the contractions and then eat
in between. We were getting pretty excited that labour had
started and we'd probably meet our baby the next day. Having
finished dinner, we decided that perhaps we ought to get the
tub set up and get Ethan into bed.
So Marcus and Tim set up the tub, I
called Kate to tell her that things were happening and she
reminded me to turn inward and focus, to get through each
contraction until some endorphins and relaxen start flowing.
Tim was trying to set up the tub
and get some water in it while I was following him around to
make sure he was near me when each contraction began - I
needed him to put counter pressure on my back even at that
early stage.
Marcus did a fabulous job setting
up the tub and getting some water in it, first using all our
hot water and then boiling pots and heating the urn to get
enough water in the tub for it to be functional. I called
Joy about 9.30pm to let her know what was happening and to
expect a call sometime through the night. We called Sue at
about 10pm and she was here in half an hour, it was great to
see her. Sometime after that Marcus went home. The
atmosphere was one of excitement, we were all ready and the
contx seemed to be getting longer and stronger and I needed
quite alot of counter pressure on my back during each
contraction. Not long after Sue arrived I started to
question the back pain I was experiencing, it was very
familiar - Ethan had been posterior. I was thinking that if
the baby was still anterior I shouldn't have been
experiencing such intense back pain. Sue and Tim were solid
in their support and reassurance that everything was fine,
telling me this labour was not the same and that it would
bring what it would bring. The labour was a rollercoaster
for me, one minute I was feeling confident and ready to face
whatever the labour was bringing and the next I was full of
doubts and worries.
I was in and out of the tub during
the next few hours and felt like I was doing a good job
relaxing with each contraction, keeping myself soft -
something I'd felt I couldn't do during Ethan's labour. Lots
of vocalising too, lots of talking to the baby, well,
moaning really, "down baby, down baby" during contractions.
I decided I wanted Joy here
sometime after midnight and she arrived around 2am. It was
great to see Joy, her calming presence had an immediate
impact on the house. The atmosphere felt so serene and calm
through the night, very quiet, peaceful, I was so glad to be
labouring at home, I felt safe.
I found it hard to trust my body
though, the contractions seemed to be getting more spaced
out and varying in intensity instead of continuing to get
stronger. I told Joy I was afraid that I wasn't progressing
and I wanted a VE. Joy tried to reassure me and eventually
she said "why don't you feel for yourself". So I did and I
could feel the baby's head! I couldn't believe it and I
immediately thought that this meant I was almost fully
dilated. I started crying with relief and Joy started
setting up her equipment and talking about calling
Genevieve, our second midwife. From this point though, the
contractions really slowed down and I started to move around
more, trying to get them going again. They didn't really
pick up much though and at 4.30am we decided to do a VE.
5cm, I was so disappointed, I really had expected to be much
further along than that, even though the pattern of
contractions indicated that progress was going slowly. Joy
didn't tell me at the time but she felt the baby was
posterior.
It took Tim quite a while to talk
me out of the hole I put myself in after the examination and
we took a break, layed down and had a rest. The contractions
were quite far apart during this phase (5-6 minutes) but
they picked up again after we got up. I began pacing the
hallway in an attempt to get things going again and the
contractions did grow in intensity during the next few
hours, I was moving and using the birth ball, in and out of
the pool. I was feeling the back pain and bowel pressure in
between contractions. I was finding it much harder to stay
relaxed during the contractions and I was buoyed by the
change in strength and intensity during this time. It was
also frightening though, wondering how strong they were
going to get and whether I could really stand it (what
choice did I have?!).
I decided I wanted Kate at around
7am and when she arrived I felt a flood of emotion and cried
in her arms. I don't really know why, I think I was just
relieved to see her. It felt like a great release.
Contractions slowed again after
this, we tried a few different things to get them going and
decided to have another VE at 8.15am. Still 5cm, no progress
in 4 hours, with strong labour. I felt like my worst
nightmare was coming true, the labour was happening in the
same way as Ethan's. Joy started talking about transfer and
I lost it. I was so disappointed, upset and sure that
transfer equalled c/s. I just didn't see how I could avoid a
c/s if we transferred. Yet I knew that we needed help with
the labour, that we couldn't just continue
indefinitely.
Tim told me a few days after the
birth that when he knew we were going to transfer he left me
for a few minutes and started to cry with Sue. She told him
to pull himself together and not let me see that he was
upset, that his confidence was shaken. I'm so glad she did
that, Tim's support for me never faltered through the entire
experience.
Driving to the hospital with Kate,
I was so sure that I was headed for another c/s, and
statistically my chances weren't good. But we weren't any
ordinary team! I also expected that the staff would be
hostile or prejudiced toward us because we had been
attempting a HBAC. But we encountered an amazing group of
women that day, Sancha and Lisa, the hosp Midwives and
Miranda our Obstetrician. They were so supportive, sensitive
and respectful of me and of Joy's position as my
Midwife.
I knew that we would probably need
augmentation at the hosp and I did not want to experience
any more back labour, especially with a syntocinon drip
speeding things up. So I decided to have an epidural. I had
a nagging doubt that I was opting-out but I also felt that I
just didn't want to do the posterior labour anymore, I
wanted a rest.
So the epidural was inserted at
10am, but it was only effective in providing pain relief
down one side of my body. So I was almost numb down my left
side but still feeling the back pain with each contraction
down my right side. Although the pain was much reduced
overall, it was quite frustrating to be in that kind of
limbo, I couldn't quite relax but I also couldn't move from
the bed. I felt that I had accepted the associated risks of
having an epidural but I wasn't getting the full benefit of
its use. But I was aware when I decided on the epidural that
it doesn't always work effectively.
Over the next 5 hours the
anaesthetist came in several times to try and correct the
epidural, she increased the dosage, pulled the catheter out
slightly but it wasn't until she took it out and re-sited it
that it worked effectively. Around that time (2-3pm) the
Senior Obstetrician came in to do another VE before we began
the Syntocinon in the drip to increase contractions.
Miranda, our Obstetrician hadn't been sure of the baby's
position and so had asked him to check. I hadn't dilated at
all from 4.30am until 3pm. But the baby had turned to
anterior, which was very encouraging. At that stage I was
happy to have the labour augmented but I still believed I
would be having another c/s. The Syntocinon was increased
every 30 minutes over the next 2 hours but I was still only
getting a low dose.
Miranda came in at 5pm to do
another VE, and when she had finished she said, "Guess how
dilated you are", I refused to guess and she said
"9".
I couldn't believe it, everyone
started crying as we realised that our baby would be born
vaginally, I was so happy that I wasn't going to have
another c/s. Miranda suggested we take another hour to make
sure dilation was complete and then start pushing.
So at around 6pm Joy and Kate
helped me into an upright position and I began to try and
push, although I had no pelvic floor or perineal sensation.
I also couldn't feel any pushing urges. It was frustrating,
I just couldn't feel what I was doing. The effort of pushing
combined with the length of the labour and sleep deprivation
made me feel exhausted, I just wanted it to be over, I
wanted to meet our baby.
The epidural had run out around
this time and we decided not have a top-in the hope that
some sensation would return to my body and I might be able
to push effectively. Sensation was very slow to return and
when it did it was only on one side due to the unequal
amounts of anaesthetic I had received. The pain was very
intense and it felt like someone was stabbing me in the hip.
Miranda came in and suggested that
she use forceps to help the baby out. I agreed, I didn't
know how else the baby was going to get out at that point.
So I was battling 2nd stage contractions, still not feeling
any pushing urges or pelvic floor sensation and the staff
were preparing themselves and the room for the birth.
Perhaps the most distressing point of the process was when
Miranda brought out the stirrups. At that point I realised
how different the reality of the birth was from what I had
planned and hoped it would be. I kept saying "poor baby,
poor baby" thinking of her being pulled out with steel
instruments. I had to make a concerted effort to reduce my
distress and focus on our baby, on ensuring I was present
for the first moments of her life. Through the labour I had
always thought of her as a girl.
The forceps were applied to her
head and with each contraction I was pushing as hard as I
could while Miranda worked with the forceps. I began to
really feel where and what pushing was about and with each
contraction I felt her go lower. That was really satisfying.
I felt her head in my vagina at some point before she was
crowning and that gave me more impetus to push. I couldn't
believe how much it felt like she was coming out of my
bottom! The cliches about doing the biggest shit of your
life are true……I had vague fears of my guts coming
out with the baby too.
It wasn't long before her head was
out and while we were waiting for the next contraction I
pushed as hard as I possibly could and pushed her body out.
As she was lifted up to my chest I
saw that she was a girl and had an overwhelming sense of
"yes, I knew you were a girl all along". Joy grabbed Claire
and put her on my chest, it felt indescribable. She was hot
and wet and slippery and she was mine, to mother right from
the beginning, no separation.
She didn't breathe straight away
and a hospital midwife who hadn't been working with us
started to rub her back vigorously and I pushed her hand
away, saying "be gentle, be gentle". I began to blow on her
face and she soon started to breathe.
She cried from the moment she
started breathing and she began to open her mouth, rooting
for the nipple. It was so amazing to see her lying on my
chest, throwing her head to the side trying to reach my
nipple. She was clearly hungry and as soon as I was stitched
and could sit upright I fed her. She latched on beautifully
and fed for a long time.
We made the obligatory phone calls
and prepared to go home during the next couple of hours. As
soon as the numbness in my legs had subsided enough for me
to walk I had a shower and dressed. Tim gave Claire her
first bath and we packed our things, including my placenta,
which is still in the freezer. We were both feeling
exhausted but decided we would get more rest if we went home
that night. And we would be there for Ethan in the morning.
So at midnight, a little over 4
hours after the birth, we went home. It was wonderful to
have our little baby with us in our bed that night, none of
us got much sleep but we were all together,
triumphant.
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