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Birthrites: Healing After Caesarean.

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Kelly's Thoughts on Healing. By Kellie Bryan For 4 weeks after the caesarean birth of Cameron, I felt like I was locked up in a little room, I still don't really remember much about that 4 weeks. My husband told me things during that time and has now asked me again, I truly don't remember the first time. After a visit to my GP on week 4 and a good talk to him, I felt like someone had let me out of that room. 6 weeks after my caesarean I am well on the way to healing some of the grief I've been carrying. How have I achieved this? Heaps of crying. Lots of talking to other people; who I'm sure think I'm weird because I can't just Òget over itÓ, my family included. Writing a letter to the Director of the hospital and having an appointment with the Director of Nursing Services to discuss what happened, both with the staff and with my body. I needed someone at the hospital to confirm that the staff truly had not acted correctly at the birth. The first few days I thought it was the effects of the drugs that made me think this, but several of the midwives confirmed my thoughts and feelings about that night. I've now come to terms with the fact that I can't just press a rewind button and do it all over again. I have a perfect little boy, who may have been damaged in the birth process had I not had a caesarean.Although that situation was quite unlikely. I have heard that caesarean babies generally tend to be quite placid. I have been blessed with a wonderfully placid little boy. I need to start doing things again, get back into the real world. What I haven't dealt with yet: I do get jealous of other women who have since had almost identical situations with their births (posterior babies) and successfully had natural births. I am still angry that my right of choice was taken away from me when I was vulnerable. I think these things happen for a reason. Why did it happen to me? To teach me humility; not to be so cocky and overconfident. I don't feel like crying any more, I just want to yell to the whole world: WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My body is my temple and my temple was desecrated.