Melissa's Story.
Our daughter was born by c/s after she was found to be in a breech
position at 34 weeks, then my membranes ruptured a week later and
she wa born. I was never made aware of the posibility of delivering
her vaginally, or perhaps attempting to have her turned, when my membranes
ruptured the Dr. told me that my baby was too small to be delivered
in the small hospital, so I had to be transferred by ambulance to
a larger hospital, she was a healthy 6lb 8oz, with apgars of 8 & 10
.
My second pregnancy was like my first, no morning sickness, I am
able to work right up to a month before, and I truly love how I feel
when I am pregnant. I had decided to have a VBAC. I was informed by
the Dr.'s that as long as I progressed that I would be able to deliver
vaginally.
My baby decided to be born in my 39th week, I was so excited to have
a show, then late Saturday afternoon I had a huge ?contraction, so
I was really excited now. I made sure I was packed, shaved my legs
and washed my hair. With no more contractions, we all had tea and
went off to bed as usual, although I couldn't sleep much as I was
anticipating my second greatest achievement.
At about 2.30 am I was awoken by contractions, I got up and walked
around, just to make sure that they were real, yes they were real!
So a couple of hours later my husband took our daughter to her grandparents,
as we didn't want her to see me in pain and cause distress. I contacted
the hospital and told them that I was coming in.(one Dr. had told
me to go in early, another had said go in when I felt uncomfortable)
I was managing quite well, but wanted to play it safe, my contractions
were about 5 minutes apart. I arrived and had the monitor put on my
stomach, everything fine. I had lost a small amount of fluid so it
was thought this was my hind waters had broken. Just after 7am, I
had my first exam, 7cm dilated, and the remainder of my waters were
broken, I was relieved, surely this was 'progress' and my desire to
have a vaginal birth was only 3cm away. I was then wheeled to the
labour ward with my husband beside me. The contractions were coming
thick and fast now, but as long as I could concentrate and breathe
through them I was doing o.k.(I tried gas, but didn't like it). Just
after 9.30am I felt the urge to vomit, which I did, then my legs became
wobbly and I became hot, the midwife informed us that this was transition
and our baby would be here soon. Another examination did reveal that
I was fully dilated, and the midwife was quite sure that our baby
was in a posterior position because she could not feel the plates
in his head and my labour was in my back. I was able to manage the
pain by remaining upright, to lie down was torture.
At this point, I weakened and had some Fentanyl for short acting
pain relief, it more just gave me a second or two rest between contractions,
which were now coming continuously, so I was really focused on my
breathing now. At 10.30am our midwife did another examination (torture
to lie down) and told us that the baby was still quite high, she could
feel his head, but I still didn't have the urge to push(meanwhile
pain relief worn off and contraction coming continuous), she thought
the Doctor would do a c/s. Yes the Doctor came in and said c/s. That
is all I heard, I didn't know why I had to have a c/s, I was fully
dilated, I was in transition, my contractions were continuous, I thought
something must have been wrong. So I was hurriedly prepared for surgery,
catheter in , i.v.fluid in(all this had to be done while I lay on
my back -torture). All I wanted to do was sit up, but I was told to
just lie down, my husband was gone to change clothes for theatre,
our midwife who had been previously encouraging me through my labour
stood beside me, I felt she too had given up on me, I felt a 'clunk'
in my pelvis just seconds before I had to move over to another table
for the spinal to be put in. It was great to sit up, although I really
felt like I was sitting on my baby's head, the spinal in and the Dr.
said we'll have you a baby in a few minutes. Our beautiful boy was
taken from me at 11.12 am, he was fine, but I lay on that table crying
tears for the birth I longed for, not tears of joy for the son we
had gained.
In recovery the Dr. came and said that he was a big baby, he wouldn't
have fitted anyway. He was 9lb 1oz. So now I felt disappointed and
like there was something physically wrong with me. I was united with
my baby over an hour later, and began to breast feed him, I bonded
with him and have a wonderful relationship with him. I went home after
2 days, because I just needed to get out and cry my eyes out over
failing to give birth.
After 5 months, I decided I needed to talk to someone about this
traumatic event that was consuming me, crying several times a day,
fantasising about the birth I so desperately wanted. I spoke to the
Dr. who did the c/s and he told me that after an hour of being fully
dilated and having had a previous c/s he felt that it was safest to
do a c/s. I asked him about my baby being too big to fit and he said
it was only because he had been in the wrong position to fit after
an hour and basically my time had run out. I am not angry at the Dr.
for doing the c/s, I respect that in a small hospital extra precautions
need to be taken to foresee an emergency, he has to stand by his decisions,
and to him the birth was a success, a live healthy mother and baby.
I was relieved to find out that I was 'normal', and have spoken to
a nurse from this website who said that she had been at births were
3 hours went by between being fully dilated and actually pushing the
baby out. I have also read birth stories of 5 hours of pushing, I
just needed some support. I have since been back to this Dr., to get
a referral for a psychologist, whom I have been seeing for 4 months.
This does help, and I have learnt some strategies to cope, but I sometimes
don't think she really knows what a VBAC meant to me.(Thank goodness
for birthrites). My life is much better , I only cry once a fortnight
or so now, although I do spend a lot of my time thinking of the I
should've and I could've things from that day.
The failure of my VBAC has now left me feeling cheated, and jelousy
towards women who have a vaginal birth, my relationship with my husband
has altered, I felt, and sometimes still feel that he let me down
by not being the voice I was unable to express when my contractions
were so intense. I do understand that he just put his trust in the
professionals, but I wish just someone had been there to support me.
I was ready to have a c/s if our baby was distressed, or I had signs
of uterine rupture, but not because I ran out of time. This experience
has altered our life, I am learning to cope, but I guess the hardest
thing is that alot of people don't understand, it's just "Oh
well at least you've got a healthy baby", and I am very grateful
for that, our son is now 9 months old and I am breastfeeding him and
have a wonderful bond with him and his sister, but not a day goes
by that as a women I don't yearn to give birth.
I guess I don't know if we will have another baby, I think my husband
is worried that the birth might affect me again, I would love to have
more children. I just don't know that if we did, where would we find
someone to support my VBAC - 2, how much would it cost, do we need
private health cover, and I guess there is always a chance that I
may end up needing a c/s, however I feel that at least if I was given
the opportunity to give it a fair go, I would succeed as it was only
the clock that went faster than my baby last time. I am more knowledgeable
now too!
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