My Birth Story... Frustration.
I had my first baby 10 weeks ago today. I remember every
little detail bad and good from the start of my labour pains right
up until I found out we had had a little girl! and indeed until now!
Reading all the stories of other women's birth experiences and looking
at the photos of all the c-sections, is healing but very painful too.
Let me explain. After 9 months, or there abouts of expecting to give
birth NATURALLY/vaginally I am told that I need to have a c-section!
Just what I didn't want to hear, or expect to hear! When I was pregnant
I always said "I am never going to have a caesarean!! I will only
have one if I absolutely HAVE TO!!!" And here I am being wheeled off
to theatre to have one! My labour started about 2.30am on the 18th
of July, and was spasmodic, the contractions were close together,
then far apart...after several hours of contractions, the midwife
suggested a drip of oxytocin to speed up the labour,,,,I even asked
the midwife if she will be delivering my baby...she said "yes I think
you will have this baby before my shift ends!" The oxytocin helped
a little, but still after about 8 hours of labour I had only dilated
5cms...they were concerned and not happy with that, I had midwives
and doctors in the room, putting monitors up me, and feeling around,
and talking to me, I was very bewildered, and very tired!!!
They connected my bubby to a monitor to see how her
heartbeat was going, and it was dropping every time I contracted!
I can't even remember if it was before I had my c-section that she
pooed in the womb or during the c-section. But she was definitely
distressed and they were not sure why! Apparently when they opened
me up they found that she had the cord wrapped around her neck and
her arm, and the cord was pulling her up every time I contracted!
Poor little angel! I had no idea obviously, so as I am trying to push
her out, she is struggling to stay alive!!!!!
I was told a few days after I had her in hospital in
no uncertain terms, that if she was born out in the bush she would
have died (without the technology to perform a c-section etc!) BUT....to
this day I am sad and I cry sometimes still when I think about my
birth experience, because it was NOT WHAT I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE! The
thing that hurts the most is that I was not conscious when she came
out of me, and I missed her first bath, her first weigh in, her being
measured and all of that because I had to have a general anaesthetic!!!!
I don't fully understand why, but after 5 attempts at an epidural
I was STILL FEELING THE CONTRACTIONS! the epidurals didn't work, and
therefore my husband (and my sister, who was my other support person)
were NOT ABLE TO BE PRESENT AT HER BIRTH...and neither was Mummy!
I feel so ripped off, and I am so jealous when I hear other mum's
stories of a perfect vaginal delivery, or those who WERE ABLE to have
an epidural and watch their little bubby come out and have that bonding
time straight after birth! I was really looking forward to doing all
of that too!!!! (but I couldn't!!!!!)
To this day....I have been struggling with whether or
not to ring the midwife present during my labour and my caesarean
to ask her all the things I want to know...I have so many questions,
I want to know every little detail about my birth! (but for some reason
I just can't make that call!) NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT IT AFTER IT AT
ALL! I was left in the dark...if it wasn't for me asking a lovely
midwife several days after birth about what actually happened, I wouldn't
have found out some more of the details! There is soo much emotion
and pain and hurt running through me about my birth experience, and
NO ONE to share it with it seems, because every time I try to talk
about it...it feels like people shut off and don't want to hear it...maybe
because it didn't happen to them, maybe because it is just too painful
to hear...I don't know! But I don't feel heard, and I feel like no
one cares, and that's not fair! I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT...AND I NEED
A LISTENING EAR AND I NEED UNDERSTANDING! I would love to talk to
other women who have had similar experiences to me, and are recovering
from a c/section, and who just know what it is like to have a caesarean!!!
To go from expecting something so wonderful to having all your hopes
whisked away from a "medical procedure" which you are not a part of!
Is there anyone else who has had an emergency caesarean?????
Thanks for reading "my story", I have enjoyed reading
yours!
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