Tane's Birthstory -
The Healing Beauty of Unassisted Homebirth.
Editor - Please note that Birthrites does not think unassisted Homebirth
is the 'way' to birth your child. Our organization provides information
about birth choices, in order to encourage informed decision-making.
This is just an example of yet another choice that some women make.
-by Micklyn
I live in South Africa, where the c-section rate in private practice
is over 50%. I think we are second only to Brazil. With my first child
I had a bout of false labor at 37 weeks, and, thinking it was the
real thing, went into hospital. The doctor told me I would have my
baby in the morning. When it became obvious (to her) that I was not
really in labor, she didn't tell me, instead she began to induce me,
through my iv, without my knowledge or consent. Anyway, to cut a long
story short, I ended up having a c-section after a long and unproductive
labor. I thought the reason was failure to progress and only found
out afterwards that it was actually failed induction when I checked
my chart. I firmly believed that if they had just sent me home to
wait it out, I would have been able to have a normal birth.
When husband said he wanted another child, I knew I didn't. He wouldn't
quit going on about it, and now I'm glad he didn't. I gave in eventually
and fell pregnant immediately. Only then did I realize how my previous
birth had affected me - I was suffering from post traumatic stress
disorder. I forbade husband to even mention birth, if he did, I would
start shaking or crying, I would want to throw up and I would go into
a panic. I couldn't talk about it, all the feelings of humiliation,
violation, helplessness and anger came back. At work, to torture myself,
I would read birth stories on the internet. Doing so would make me
feel incredibly nauseous, but it was as if I couldn't help myself,
I kept on reading and reading.
One day I came across an unassisted birth story. I couldn't believe
it. This was what I longed for, in fact, shortly after I fell pregnant,
I said to husband, "If it was up to me I'd have this baby by myself
in the kitchen." I had never realized that unassisted birth was an
option. I had never heard of it. I began to read more avidly than
ever, devouring every unassisted birth birth story I could get my
hands on and reading every article or essay on unassisted birth on
the net. I didn't tell husband anything, by this time I was determined
to have a unassisted birth, even if it meant a solo unassisted birth.
I was too scared to tell him, in case he tried to stop me.
Because of that, and because of my previous cesarean, we were seeing
an ob/gyn- I chose a woman, because I thought I'd feel more comfortable
with her. What a mistake! To start with, she insisted on an internal
exam at every visit. She forbade me to attempt a VBAC insisting that
I would have a cesarean 10 days early, and she picked up on my nervousness
and claimed I made it stressful for her! Needless to say, we changed
doctors.
Our new dr was supportive of our plans for a VBAC - in the beginning.
Towards the end of the pregnancy, however, he had completely changed
his tune. I think he would have upset me a lot more if I hadn't secretly
already decided on a unassisted VBAC. He used to say things like,
"They can't prove a natural birth is more safe for the baby than a
c-section." and "What if you tear?" and "It's the safety of your baby
I'm worried about." and "At the very first sign of something going
wrong, I'm going to cut!" When I told him I'd been reading up on the
internet about birth, he actually said, "The internet is all just
lies!" Another time he admitted that a c-section would be more convenient
for him, with a natural birth I would phone him at 3 in the morning
and wake him up and he'd be grumpy.
I could see his growing frustration with me, and started to really
enjoy my visits, just because it was so fun to stand up to him. For
the first time in my life, I felt I had authority over the doctor,
rather than the other way around. There is a real culture of doctor
worship in this country, people are very afraid to contradict or disagree
with their doctors. We're not very good at standing up for ourselves.
(I'm generalizing, of course.) At my thirty-nine week checkup, he
said he had to do an internal examination. I refused. He got really
angry and said to me, "You don't even know why I want to do one! I
need to check if your pelvis is big enough!" I wanted to burst out
laughing.
I'd been talking to my husband about the things I'd been learning
on the internet, about the complications caused by various interventions
and the problems with hospital or medically managed births. I hadn't
mentioned UC, not yet. It was only when I saw his growing impatience
with the doctor (husband was very supportive of my wish for a VBAC)
that I finally felt safe enough to tell him my plans. This was a week
before the baby was due! His response was amazing, he said, "I'm right
behind you, my love. Why didn't you tell me before? I trust you would
not put our child in danger, I know what kind of a mother you are
and I support you one hundred percent." Finally I was ready to have
my unassisted birth. I was at peace, knowing I had his support and
that he would be there for me.
I was woken by a fairly painful contraction at about ten to three
on the morning of the 6th of March. I was at 41 weeks and 2 days (of
course the doctor had been going on about post dates complications
and still born babies- in fact, he wanted me to have a c-section at
10 days overdue to avoid complications. When I said that I personally
viewed a c-section as a serious complication he said: "Well, I don't!")
I had been having lots of strong prodromal labor for the last four
days. I read that one remedy for prodromal or false labor is to drink
a glass of wine and have a warm bath before bed. (So that it doesn't
keep you up and exhaust you before the real thing starts.) On the
night before (Monday night) I had had a glass of wine to help me sleep
and stop the prodromal labor so I could rest, but it didn't help the
way it had on Sunday night. Also because my Dad had phoned and told
me they were coming a day later than planned and I so badly wanted
to have the baby before they arrived (because they didn't know about
my plans for a unassisted birth) I was convinced that something would
start in the night. Well it did. At about 3:30, I woke up husband
to keep me company, although he dozed on and off and kept on asking
me, "Is this really it? Are you sure?" Eventually I said that I would
NOT wake him up unless I was convinced that this was it so would he
please stop asking and start being supportive? I went downstairs and
made him a cup of tea to help him wake up and then we chatted while
I paced our bedroom, dealing with each contraction. They were coming
between 5 and 10 minutes apart.
At six my two older kids woke up (we have a blended family) and I
told them that when they got home from school, the baby might be here.
My husband took them to school, all excited about the prospect of
meeting their little sister. While he was gone my labor took a pause-
it's the only way I can describe it- it was as if my body didn't want
to continue till he returned. Sure enough, when he came back from
dropping them off the contractions picked up again immediately. I
could tell he was fidgety, with not enough to occupy him, so I suggested
he get a video, so he did- Arlington Road. I remember saying towards
the end of the video when it gets all violent and I was heading into
transition (I think) that I was supposed to be in a darkened room
with candles and gentle music, not witnessing terror and explosions-
this was ridiculous!
Anyway, throughout the morning and the movie I found that the contractions
came quicker if I was standing. If I sat down there would be as much
as 10 to 15 minutes between them, although then they were much more
intense. So I forced myself to stand, only sitting for 2 minutes after
each contraction passed, and then standing up again, which would immediately
bring on the next one. It took a lot of will power to stand up each
time, knowing the pain would hit when I did! Some of the time I leaned
against the wall, pushing the small of my back against the cool plaster.
At the height of the contractions I would yell to my husband to put
pressure on my back - and yell even harder if he wasn't quick about
it. The baby had been lying posterior all along, so I'd been expecting
back labor. In a way I'm glad because it gave my husband something
to do.
I was dying to get in the bath, but thought that I better wait as
long as possible. I'd had no show and was too scared to check for
dilation - if nothing was happening I didn't want to know! I held
out till the video was over and then got in the bath. I plugged up
the overflow outlet so we could fill the bath to the top, and told
my husband that I didn't care if it did overflow. He was so patient
with me all day, I'd been ordering him around since the early morning
and it was 1:30 now and I wasn't getting any easier to deal with.
I was shaking a bit by this time and I'm not sure how much the water
is supposed to help but I think it did help a little, if only to relax
into between contractions. I screwed up my courage to check myself
at this stage and I think I must have been around 6 or 7, I could
feel the membranes bulging- it was so encouraging.
The next 2 hours sped by, I remember telling my husband in the morning
that I thought the baby would come around 2:30; she came at 3. I was
starting to yell a little and after every contraction would say "wait
wait, I'm not ready, let me have a break before the next one!" God
answered my prayer, because the contractions never came one on top
of the other, right till the very end I felt able to cope, just. Just
before the end, for the first time I said, "I can't do this, what
am I going to" and really meant it, but then it was nearly over.
I checked myself again around then and the membranes were right
down and I was just dying for the waters to break. I was on my knees
and husband kept urging me to try squatting, but during a contraction
I couldn't move and in between I didn't want to. (Because I knew that
the second I moved another contraction would hit. If I kept as still
as possible then there was a little gap to breath.) Eventually, as
one was starting I squatted and my waters broke. I yelled, "The waters
broke!" and husband said "Did they?" And I (in agony) said, "NO NO
NO NO NO!" so he thought they hadn't and didn't realize that they
had until I said, "I can feel her head, it's right there!" Up until
then I hadn't pushed at all. In fact, I never experienced an urge
to push, I pushed voluntarily when I felt her head with my hand, because
I just wanted the pain to be over. Also I had heard that pushing eased
the pain. Well, that certainly didn't seem to be my experience!
I had expected the requisite twenty minutes to an hour and a half
of pushing, but things went very fast after that and I remember screaming
"I have never been in such pain in my life!" and "No, no, go back,
go back!" but mostly I was saying "God help me God help me God help
me" and then I felt like I was splitting in half and felt myself tear
and then the head was out and half her body and I was checking for
the umbilical cord and didn't at first realize I was checking around
her ribcage! The rest of her emerged seconds later and I picked her
up and husband was saying, "That's amazing, that's so amazing, I have
never seen anything so amazing in my life" and I remember thinking
"What did you expect?" because he just sounded so surprised.
She was pinky lilac and went red really quickly, she was breathing
fine but her cord was very short and wasn't pulsing like I expected
it to be. I couldn't get her to latch on, mostly because it was awkward
and I couldn't pull her up high enough. I held her like that for about
45 minutes, just sitting in the bath while we marvelled, then husband
had to cut the cord so I could move because I was very uncomfortable
and didn't feel I could deliver the placenta in the position I was
in, which was sitting upright in the tub. He took her for a while
and wrapped her in a warm towel and I moved back onto my knees and
the placenta came after about ten minutes. The placenta was intact
and everything seemed fine so we set about cleaning up and went through
to the kid's room with her after I washed off (our room is upstairs
and I needed to sit on a bed).
My husband phoned his parents and then we phoned mine, only to find
out they'd be arriving in about 2 hours just in time to help us with
the older kids and give them supper. Talk about perfect timing! When
they found out we were at home and had given birth unassisted I couldn't
believe my mom's reaction, she said, "That's brilliant, that's so
amazing, you wonderful, wonderful girl, I'm so proud of you!" And
this was before she knew anything about unassisted birth or why hospital
births are unsafe. I was so happy.
We weighed Tane and found she weighed 9 pounds, which was kind of
what I was expecting. My husband fetched the kids, my parents arrived,
and we all had supper. It was so good to be home. Later I checked
myself and decided to do without stitches, because I really couldn't
face going to the hospital. I was happy where I was. Five weeks later,
my three to four centimetre tear was healed perfectly, all by itself.
(About the tear, it was pretty painful for the first ten days, but
that forced me to take it easy, which was probably a good thing and
I suspect, is part of the plan. Also, I have a bidet, which was wonderful,
and I used salt water to cleanse and heal but that was about it.)
Although Tane didn't sleep at all the first night, since then she's
been an angel and is sooo good. My husband and I are so thrilled with
our unassisted birth, husband delights in telling people just to see
their reaction- and he's wonderful, whenever they congratulate him
on delivering the baby he says, "No, I didn't do anything- Micklyn
delivered the baby, I was just there!" We think it's funny how the
first thing everyone says is "What about the cord?" as if this is
the most difficult and dangerous problem, How Do You Tie the Cord?
This birth has made up for so much for me, I am so relaxed this time
and I've found breast feeding a breeze unlike last time after an induction,
and epidural and a c-section. I have no regrets. I know I would do
it again.
-Micklyn
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