The Birth of
Tianna.
By Kym Ronzitti
This is not a story I imagined having to write (at least
not yet anyway) but mother nature decided that we were to be
blessed with another child, despite fully breastfeeding my
then 15 month old, being also on the pill and not having had
my period for two years. To say we were surprised is an
understatement!!
For those of you who don't know my history I'll briefly
recap. My first child (Nicholas) was born by c/sec after an
induction and ? CPD and failure to progress. Failing to
progress past 9 cm with a posterior baby whilst laying flat
on my back with an epidural! My second child (Gemma) was
born by elective c/sec at 41 weeks because she had not
engaged and I was told that this meant she wasn't going to
fit out of my pelvis (I didn't know any of the things then
that I know now!!). My third child (Sabrina) was born
naturally in a private hospital with an independent midwife
and a wonderful GP, after a three-hour labour. I had no
trouble pushing her out and left the hospital four hours
after her birth without even so much as a tear. Sabrina's
birth was very powerful and intense and I went through
transition in the car so even though I got what I had wanted
(a private, non interfered with and empowering birth) I was
quite frightened at the prospect of having such an intense
experience again. Not because I didn't 'like' it but because
I was feeling really exhausted and even in the beginning of
the pregnancy, didn't feel I would have the emotional
strength to labour the way I did last time.
I found the hardest part of labour to be the mental
strength it took to give in to the most powerful pain I had
ever experienced, or could imagine experiencing, in my life.
The sense of panic I felt took every ounce of strength I had
to fight so that I could just give in and go with it. I
wasn't sure that I was capable of doing that again. On the
other hand, I definitely didn't want to have an unnecessary
c/sec so I spent a lot of my pregnancy anxious about what
was to come. I knew I was physically able to do it so there
wasn't any doubt that I wanted to have my baby normally, I
was just scared.
About 20 weeks into this pregnancy my hands started to
swell so much in the night that I couldn't feel my arms. It
was painful and annoying, everytime I tried to put pressure
through my hands, like turning the steering wheel, sharp
pains shot up my arms. By 32 weeks I started to think the
baby would arrive early. My blood pressure was hovering at
the edge of normal, my feet were swollen and my hands and
face were still quite puffy. I felt pretty good though and
in my head I knew she would come at 41 weeks like the
others, but my inner instinct kept telling me that something
wasn't right. Every examination I had reassured me that
everything was OK so I believed my instincts were just
anxious feelings. By 37 weeks my swelling had really reduced
and by blood pressure was still OK, the only thing slightly
bugging me was my lack of weight gain (none since 34 weeks).
I am not a small build so I figured that since my overall
weight gain was OK, the baby was very active and my uterus
was the right size that I should just chill out!!
It was about now that some other anxieties surfaced that
I believe were very influential to my state of mind. Two
months after I birthed my 3rd baby, a friend from yoga had
her baby and as a result of complications during his birth,
her son died aged 2 weeks. I cried for days. It still brings
tears to my eyes as I write this. I never knew anyone who
had lost their baby and even though I believed strongly that
I was doing the safest thing for my baby, the reality that I
could be that statistic made me feel very vulnerable. |
Every child we have leaves our heart wide open to hurt. I
hate feeling that vulnerable.
I discussed these anxieties with my husband and midwife,
I new if I wanted to have a c/sec that I could but I didn't
want to. I couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't
right but in the end I had a chat to my unborn child and
asked her to give me a really unmistakable sign that she
didn't want to be born the way I had planned. Something like
meconium in the amniotic fluid or decreased movements. I
felt satisfied that this was all I could do and the rest was
up to the baby and God.
At 40 weeks and 4 days I new it was close. This was a
Thursday and I felt confident I would birth on the weekend.
I started to tell people that it would be Saturday night. On
Thursday night I began having irregular contractions but
they were really strong, my pre labour previously had been
very mild. At 3 am I woke my hubby because I was starting to
get scared and they really hurt. He sat bleary eyed on the
toilet seat timing my contractions whilst I showered. He
kept asking if he could go back to bed!! No way!!! At about
4.30 am I rang mum and she headed over and I rang Lesley.
Needless to say that a half an hour later they started to
get further apart and milder, more in my back than before
and I realised that it was just pre labour. I rang Lesley
back and told her not to come, she had to shift house that
day anyway!! Lesley did visit later in the day, she did an
internal and said what I already knew, I wasn't dilated.
Everything else was fine so I relaxed and mum watched the
kids while I slept.
Friday night mum stayed and I woke early hours of
Saturday morning with mild regular (15 mins) contractions. I
dozed back off to sleep, not scared this time. They stopped
by 6am and we all had breaky together. I went to yoga with
mum feeling very spaced out. Just before we left for yoga I
had had a mucous show - just a big blob of clear stuff! !! I
knew it would be tonight. I had a wonderful sleep in the
afternoon, not at all uncomfortable and had a relaxing yummy
tea. My eldest daughter had gone to her other grandparents
beach house with her cousin for the night and mum put
Sabrina to sleep. Dominic went out to the workshop and then
the contractions started again. It was 8pm.
They were really strong but 15-20 mins apart. My son
(7years) was too excited to go to bed. At 9 pm they began
coming at about 8-10 mins so I got Dom inside to talk to me
in the shower and by 9.30 pm I knew we were on! I rang
Lesley and said I was going in to the hospital, I was really
scared to get caught in transition in the car like last time
so I was making sure I got there before that. I didn't think
I would have a long labour and in fact I had already told my
support crew that I couldn't cope with one if I did. They
all knew that I wasn't willing to be in pain for too long
and that I would ask for pain relief if I felt I wasn't
coping. I was adamant that I have no drugs last time. This
time, like I said at the beginning, I didn't feel I had the
emotional strength to stay calm and focussed for a long
time.
We arrived at the hospital at 10pm, the contractions
slowed down in the car but picked up once I walked down to
labour ward. Lesley arrived shortly after and I hopped up on
the bed. Good news, I was 5 cm dilated and everything were
it should be. This was so much more civilised than my
arrival last time! I was actually smiling and relaxed (and I
have that on video to prove it!). I stayed on the bed to
have a monitor trace done as my back up Obstetrician
requested this. This was his only restriction so I had no
problems agreeing to it. Unfortunately my labour slowed
dramatically and instead of a 15 20 min trace it took an
hour to get ~ good reading. That over, l got into the shower
and instantly they picked up. Really powerful, almost scary!
Then my GP arrived and I had to have an IV put in so I could
have antibiotics (I had tested +ve to group B strep and this
was the treatment we had decided on). Back up on the bed and
everything died off again. By 11.30pm I was all done being
fiddled with and the contractions had certainly intensified
and were 3-4 mins apart.
I really wanted to get off the bed. I kept thinking that
I had to move, stand up or get in the tub or something but
everytime that Lesley suggested it I refused, I just
couldn't bear the thought of changing position. So there I
was, sitting upright in my favourite yoga pose (the
butterfly), heavily labouring and really knowing that this
just had to be over soon. Meanwhile the baby is wriggling
around, her heart rate fine so I felt completely reassured
that she was OK. At midnight my confidence started to wane
and despite Les saying that it would be over soon (I can
easily see now that I was approaching transition) I couldn't
see that that was possible, I really started to doubt the
whole process. I asked for an internal and was not prepared
for my doctor to say that I was 5-6 cm! I was shattered! He
asked if he should rupture the membranes and I agreed but
after two attempts we decided that this wasn't meant to be
and left them alone. How lucky that was! My baby certainly
knew what she was doing. Not only did she protect herself
from the potential strep B infection, she protected us from
knowing that the fluid had dried up and what was left was
heavily meconium stained. Before I go on and you start to
think, oh my God that's bad, oh poor Kym, I would never want
to go through that you must remember something. Up until
this point I was very relaxed and truly enjoying this
labour. But then I stopped trusting myself, and the birth
process, and lost sight of what I was doing. I fought hard
to stay focussed but I was too tired emotionally.
I started to visualise this 40-hour labour and really I
had only been uncomfortable for a half an hour. No not
uncomfortable! It was the most intense pain I had
experienced since the birth of Sabrina! But still, it had
only been about half an hour. I asked, no demanded, an
epidural and my doctor set off to make arrangements. He
returned to tell me that he couldn't get anyone just yet but
he would keep trying. I felt so out of control and scared
and really didn't want to do this anymore.
The contractions were on top of each other and I was
trying hard to go with them but that sense of panic I told
you about rose up and was hard to fight. I started to use
the gas, which helped me stay somewhat focussed, and I
refused the offer of pethidine. Thank God for that! That
pethidine would have really complicated things, you'll know
why shortly.
At about 12.25pm when Les checked my baby's heart rate it
was low, really low. About 40 I think, I just remember
thinking that it was about to stop. Lesley's immediate
reaction was to turn the oxygen up full on the gas mask I
was sucking on and she did an internal (with the
contraction) mumbling to herself that she thought I was
fully dilated and this was the baby's head being compressed.
She found that my cervix had a lip left and she slipped it
over the head. Boy if I had thought it couldn't hurt anymore
I was wrong! ! I did know why she was going it though and
understood to potential severity of my situation. Having
done that she looked me straight in the eyes and told me
"Kym you just push this baby out right now!!"
When I pushed Sabrina out I found it really painful and
difficult to push hard past my tailbone and bottom but this
time I just pushed with no holding back and when I felt my
tailbone move I knew what was squashing her head. It was me!
At the end of that contraction the baby's heart rate had
come back up and Les kept telling me to listen to it, that
she was OK but that was the last straw, my baby was coming
out now! The next contraction began and I pushed hard, I
actually felt her moving down and out, I hadn't felt that
with Sabrina because 2nd stage was a lot slower. So despite
the fact that it was hurting it was a magnificent feeling, I
knew I was making great progress. I put my hand down and
covered her head as she crowned, then my membranes ruptured
and they saw the meconium. Out slid her head, oh what a
relief, and her mouth and nose were suctioned gently. I know
it was done gently because Lesley did it and I have never
seen or experienced her being rough. One more little push
and she was there, all slippery and somewhat green! She was
on my chest and I gently wiped her face, she was already
looking around, very alert - those big eyes wondering what
all the fuss was about.
Tianna made her entrance at 12.34am after only about 1
hour of intense labour and 2 pushing contractions. I had no
peri tears, in fact it hardly felt saw at all, and the
placenta delivered about an hour later. She was quite
underweight, only 51b 9oz but took to the breast straight
away and by 4 weeks old had caught up to her siblings at
that age. I have learnt a lot from this birth; the biggest
thing is that it doesn't have to be perfect to be OK. I
really believe that Tianna knew she could cope with labour
so instinctively kept her membranes intact until the end.
She did that to protect herself from the strep B and to
prevent us from becoming concerned for her before she was
nearly born. Neither of us was subjected to the hazards of a
c/sec and even though she had obviously stopped gaining
weight, because she was born when she was ready, she was
able to feed effectively and grow rapidly.
We stayed in hospital a day just to keep a eye on Tianna
(she was seen by a paediatrician for the strep B) and I
quite enjoyed my stay, especially the yummy food. Tianna is
a delightful, contented baby (most of the time anyway!!) and
I am so honoured to be the mother of four beautiful
children. That's it for me now, although I know there are
some of you out there who don't believe that. It's time to
get on with the job of raising them, not just birthing
them!!!
I want to express my deepest thanks to Lesley Willow who
has been a wonderful midwife and friend. I would also like
to thank my wonderful doctor, Ian Churchward, for having the
patience, trust and respect that allows women such as myself
to experience the true power of birth. I would also like to
thank Dr Chris Gunnell (Obstetrician) for agreeing to be
back up. I know how hard it is to let go of the current
stereotypes and misconceptions surrounding VBAC labours and
I hope that, as more specialists listen to what women ate
saying and honour their wishes, the fears about rupture and
"some women just aren't capable of birthing vaginally" will
be put into true perspective. And this will allow more
women to experience the magic that is birth.
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