The Rebirth of Tracey.By Tracy Jarvis. I had my first daughter Emily in 1997 by 'Emergency Caesarean for Failure to Progress' after an induction that didn't work. It became the best but also worst time in my life. The best because of my beautiful baby but the worst because of the trauma that was inflicted on me as a mother. My baby was pulled out of me & then taken away for 2 hours until I had to demand that I see her. Breast feeding was the only thing that made me feel ok, but I still had to deal with the comments that I had her the easy way, at least my sex life wasn't ruined & all the other stupid comments that seemed to come my way. It took me six months to realise that I was depressed because I didn't even feel like I had even had a baby, & it was 12 months before I started on my journey back to feeling that I wasn't a "Failure". When I became pregnant with my second daughter I was terrified that I would have to go back to that dark place. But I became determined to not let the medical profession take away my right to be a mother from the very first breath of my child. I read everything I could lay my hands on, I went to a few information nights from a fantastic organization called 'Choices for Childbirth' in Melbourne, & finally came to realise that I wasn't alone in my fears, anger & hurt. I met a wonderful midwife who helped me to talk to my husband about this as he had no idea that I had felt this way & she encouraged us both to view birth as a natural process. I also found a wonderful lady who is a Doula, who became my spiritual link through my story. I decided right from the outset that Annalise's birth was going to be a VBAC attempt, as I wanted to be able to experience everything that I missed out on last time. Little did I realise though that the mere mention of VBAC seems to frighten every doctor within walking distance to became absolutely terrified that you can make up your own mind without relying on them to do the thinking for you. I was told that they would allow me only 4 hours of labour without monitoring of my scar & if no progress was evident then I would have to have an induction again. They didn't know what they were getting into. My husband, midwife, doula & myself all wrote & talked, cried & laughed out a birth plan, which came to be the best thing for my labour. I was 19 days overdue before I agreed to have my waters broken. I discussed with the doctor that I would not agree to syntocin until after a reasonable amount of time i.e. 8 hours if labour had not begun until then. I discharged myself from hospital after having an disagreement with the intern who was in charge of me, as she wanted to have synto' in as soon as she broke my waters, but as I was determined not to have the same labour as before so I told her no. I went for a walk & did some shopping with my husband all while my waters were running; I have never stopped in the toilets as much. We had agreed to return to the hospital after lunch to have monitoring done. At 2.30pm the doctor came in & said that she wanted to start the synto', but as I was having mild contractions at this stage I again refused & asked for another 2 hours. My midwife came in at 4.00 & then the arguments started, they refused to start synto' at 4.00 because there night staff would be put under pressure, & they told me I would now have to wait until 8.00am the next morning before the would do anything, needless to say I became very upset & angry, this was not the stress free labour I wanted. After much disagreement my team & I decided that I needed to go home for a while & to come back when labour established or by 8.30pm to be admitted to the ward. We went home with me having contractions but not much progress. My doula rang us up when we got home & after talking to my husband was around in about 5 minutes. As soon as she walked in the door I felt safe again, she talked to me & got me into the right frame of mind, within 1/2 hour I was in full on labour. We finally returned to the hospital at about 10.00pm where they were very surprised to see me in labour. I was feeling ok but the contractions were taken up most of my concentration by now, at about midnight they called in my midwife, which I was very grateful to see. My husband was just fantastic holding me & talking me through each contraction & when he needed a rest Rachel took over. Jan was negotiating with the hospital staff to make sure that they were not pushing me into having anything that I didn't want. I had the monitoring on & was not finding it very comfortable & wanted to have a shower, I finally said that if they didn't have it off in one minute I was going to rip it off myself. I wasn't quite rational at that point. I then vomited everywhere, which everyone said was a good sign. I was walking, swaying, squatting & kneeling trying to help her move down. They kept pestering me to have the monitor back on & I agreed on for 1/2 hour. They then gave me an internal & told me that I was only at 2cm but was fully effaced, I felt a little bit discouraged but knew if I could keep going that it would be ok. Annalise decided that she had different ideas though & went into foetal distress; I had said all the way through my pregnancy that if at any time my baby wasn't coping that I would have another C-section. They left me for 1/2 hour to discuss with my team & at that point in time I felt a great peace come over me as if she was telling me that it would be ok. I agreed to the C-section but was adamant that my husband & my midwife be allowed in theatre. I was wheeled down & given the spinal, which when they asked what drugs I had had they were very surprised that I had been going for 10 hours with no drugs at all. I must say that I was relived when the spinal started to work. This time around the staff were amazing they were very quiet & only spoke when they had to. They held my daughter up & asked me to check the sex, which I had not had the opportunity the last time. I knew without even looking that she was a girl. They took her over & checked her & let my husband cut her cord, which he missed out on the last time. He then carried her over & let me hold her, which I hadn't been able to do with Emily. Oh that was the most amazing experience of my life. Being able to see & touch her straight out of my body. My midwife then asked if I wanted to breast feed her, which I was very excited to do. Jan held her upside down & helped her attach to my nipple while they were stitching me up. All of the staff commented that they had never seen that happen before. Once they finished putting me back together, they wheeled us out into recovery where my angel fell asleep in my arms. I can't begin to tell you how this experience has changed my life. I now believe that my first birth should not have been that way but in a way it helped me to start my journey & to become the mother I know that I can be, but it also helped me to know myself & to know that even though a child is born by caesarean it still can be the truest miracle of life if respect is given by medical staff & by reminding these people what a gift we women give to them by letting them share in our miracle. I would encourage every woman to fight for the right to give birth anyway she feels is right whether that is naturally or by an empowering caesarean. |