A Picture of Faith,
Love, Trust, Blood, and VICTORY
-by Katie Scribner
(*Picture not available... But it was truly an inspiring image!!!)
When I look at this picture, I see faith, love, trust, my
blood, my husband's fingers, and VICTORY. This is the
picture of the moment that I met my precious Chaya Namaste
Blue, my protection and my healer.
Up until that moment my body was responsible for so many
statistics: failure to progress, CPD [cephalopelvic
disproportion], narrow symphysis, post dates.
Everything that made me who I had become banked on that very
moment that my girl would leave my body through my vagina,
not the hole that they carved into my body to remove my boy.
My little girl was swept into my arms, as blue as Krishna
and gasping for her life airs. All I heard was the sound of
my best friend sobbing by the bathroom door and my husband
sobbing behind me. I only had a moment with her, and in that
slip of time, I scrubbed her chest, minding not to bang the
scissors that severed her from her placenta, before she was
taken from my arms. She had meconium and they did not want
her to aspirate, so she was suctioned. I was then raised
from my squatting position and encouraged over to the bed to
deliver her placenta. "Don't worry, Katie, there are no
bones". It slipped out with a plop! I looked over at the
Paediatrician and remember thinking, "They're smiling. Look
at them smiling, everything is o.k."
When I look at this picture, I see the birth I COULD have
had with my boy. My boy's birth left a scar on my body and a
scar in my heart.
When I look at this picture, I see the necessity of
healing and I see the love that went into bringing her here.
As is taught in my faith, I chanted for HOURS the day that I
conceived. We believe; so is the consciousness of the
parents, so attracts the like spirited soul. I knew that we
were making my little girl, who was to be a great devotee of
God.
When I look at this picture, I see the love and the
support that brought me to that point. Oh, the support that
I had! During her pregnancy, my friends rallied around me
with love, food, herbs, time, humour and encouragement.
Especially when I lost the care of my midwife and when I
would succumb to the doubt that had been planted, which was
often. The bigger my belly got, the bigger my doubt, and
paradoxically, the bigger my resolve and faith in God and my
body.
When I look at this picture, I see the primitive bonding
of a she-being meeting her heartlove for the first time. No
fear, no anger, no doubt and no memory of my c-section. This
was Chaya's birth and it was MY birth. The birth of a woman
that can do ANYTHING! This was my moment to heal 3 years of
pain and self-doubt; but it was not there. This picture is
NOT the picture of a VBAC, of anger or resentment. It is
simply the picture of a woman being held by her Love, and
cradling her Love in her arms for the very first time. This
was not the mending of Sterling's birth, this was the sweet,
blissful birth of Chaya. I thought that I had so much to
prove, but all that existed in that moment were the people
encircling me and my girl. My precious Chaya Namaste
Sarasvati Devi, my protection and healer.
When I look at this picture, I see faith, love, trust, my
blood, my husband's fingers and VICTORY!
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