One of the things that I have noticed in all of the reading I have done on the various topics related to the safety and risks of various procedures is the notable absence of reference to the emotional well being of the mother.

I have a hypothesis that the high rate of post natal depression (PND) that seems to be around in women I have spoken to (both csec and not) is related to how we are treated in pregnancy and labour - particularly the first time.

I feel that many doctors view us as a 'problem to be solved', something they have to treat. They seem to forget that pregnancy and childbirth are a highly emotive functions for women, both due to the hormonal thing that is going on in our bodies and due to the personality of each individual. Given this we don't need treatment we need a guide and a friend during this period of change. Someone who can look our for our and our baby's physical well being but also someone who is there to reassure us, advise us, empower us and to help us realise we do have the power and self confidence, to be a pregnant mother, a birthing woman and a new mother to the little one we carry.

I was glad of my VBAC not because my baby was born vaginally (although that was a great buzz) but because my OB treated me with dignity, gave me information and accepted the learning I had done myself, and allowed me to make the adult decisions that I as a self confident adult woman should be able to make. I am pushy at the best of times so maybe the trauma of my first birth and subsequent education made this easier for me. OBs probably need to be more cognisant of the fact that many women (and men) are scared of authority and with the old 'knowledge is power' story OBs have heaps of it. The OB should therefore have consideration to how their attitude and actions can affect the emotional well being of the adult they are treating.

I would like to point out that some women may actually be suffering PTS (Post Traumatic Stress) as a natural reaction to the trauma (emotional/physical) of the surgical delivery of their child. A support group such as Birthrites may help in that it encourages women to talk/email about their feelings and just 'let them all out' rather than bottling them up with the "What is your problem? You have a beautiful baby and you're both alive" attitude that they may come up against when they show these feelings to professionals, or even family and friends.

I think it is normal to grieve at the loss of the 'experience' of a vaginal birth. If we allow ourselves to experience this grief, then we allow ourselves to let it go and we start on our journey of emotional healing.

After my last c/section I started out crying everyday, or several times per day. Over time that grief eased, though it will never truly leave. It is so similar to what we feel at the loss of a special person... Never truly forgotten, always a vacuum present, but somehow the loss eases over time. A loss of such a vital life experience of birthing our children in the way we planned (one that we only repeat a couple of times, at most) can be just as wrenching.

How do you think we could cope with the loss of a friend/relative if we were denied the right, and comfort, of grief?

Acknowledge our loss. Acknowledge it to ourselves, allow ourselves to be sad that we missed out on this experience. We may not have the understanding of friends, family or our partners, but allow ourselves our own understanding.

When we 'let it out' in this way then we can move forward. We can look at our children and be grateful that they are here with us, no matter how they arrived. We can truly count our blessings and feel bitter-sweet about our scars.